Do It Today

Hi everyone, welcome to Do It Today.

I have a special episode of the
podcast for you, a collaboration

with my dear friend Aransas Savas.

Aransas is a well being and
leadership coach who spent her career

at the intersection of research,
behavior change, and coaching.

She's a 21 time marathoner.

We actually met in a run group in Brooklyn
many years ago, and she's one of the most

inspiring and important people in my life.

This year, Aransas launched the Uplifters
podcast, which tells the stories

of interesting and inspiring women
and the powerful mindset techniques

you can use to create your biggest life.

This episode is living on the Uplifters
podcast and right here on Do It Today.

I hope you get the same jolt of motivation

from our conversation that I did.

an uplifter is a compelling leader
who tries to breathe life and hope

into people around them who listen
and care and guide and help, whose

way of being in the world inspires.

Who uplifts with humor and understanding.

Who leads by example.

Don't judge.

Vulnerable.

Bold determination.

Who are here to create a better world.

Who can learn and teach.

Who encourages you.

Who shines.

Their light to lead other people who uses
their best self in order to help others.

I found the life that I liked
and I worked toward that.

We're all uplifters.

Be love.

Welcome to the Uplifters podcast.

I'm your host, Aransas Savas, and
today I am joined by one of the

most important people in my life.

My friend Kara Cutruzzula.

For those of you who don't already
know Kara from me talking about her

incessantly, she's a writer, an editor,
a playwright, a musical theater lyricist.

Her work inspires and delights people.

She brings perspective and joy
with the loving and powerful

questions she asks, the honesty
with which she shares her own story.

She's the author of three incredible
journals, most recently, Do It or

Don't, a boundary creating journal,
which encourages readers to say no

more often and reclaim their time
for what matters most, but she's

also the host of the incredible
Do It Today podcast, which like.

Most of her work and absolutely
all of mine has some roots and

something we lovingly call VFTR
stands for Virtual Friday Therapy Run.

Originally it was FTR Pre Pandemic.

We would meet up and go for a lap at
Prospect Park every Friday morning.

And then on those runs, we were like,
dang, that was like therapy, dang, that

was really clarifying and valuable.

And I saw how to get out of my
own way and how to keep moving

forward and turn ideas into plans.

And it became so valuable that we
had to name it and ritualize it.

And then during the pandemic, of
course, that became harder and Kara

moved away from Brooklyn and yet.

It was so important to us
by that point that we had to

figure out how to keep it going.

Every Friday we call each other and then
we try to start out I think with like

a recap of our days or our weeks and
very quickly we get stuck on one thing

that's really been piling up in our
brains and we ask each other questions

and we dig around in the stories.

For me, it's honestly been
more important than therapy.

in a lot of ways.

It's been more life changing
and it's free, which is crazy.

So today, we're gonna do something we came
up with on one of our VFTRs, which is talk

to each other and work our way through
some of the big questions in Kara's new

boundary creating journal to see what we
can discover and uncover for ourselves

in the course of this conversation.

We're also going to talk a little
about our days because that's what

Kara does on her podcast Do It Today.

I love that you have dug into
exactly what the VFTR is because

I feel like that framing device
has totally changed it for me too.

It's not just, Oh, we talk every
week, you know, and like catch up.

It's, it's really purposeful and
just acts as a way to reflect on.

What happened this week?

Because we both talked about
how we have terrible memories.

And so we'll be talking on Friday
and be like, Oh my gosh, something

really amazing happened on Tuesday.

I already forgot.

And if I didn't take the second
to tell someone else about it,

it might just kind of fade away.

And so celebrating our wins and
working through anything that needs

to be worked through is, um, yeah.

The sort of twin goal, I think for me of
the, of our little VFTRs and then also

maintaining and deepening our friendship.

And I feel like everyone should have that
kind of regular, low pressure, important

and crucial anchor to their week.

So it's definitely been
life changing for me too.

And I think we're, we're probably on year,
I don't know, four, five, six of infinity.

Yeah.

Yes, please.

I'm so glad you bring up the friendship
piece of it too, because that is,

as much as the work part of it has
been really wonderful, for me, so

much of it was about cultivating
friendships with people I really admire.

Because friendships are active.

I think we forget that
friendships take energy.

They take activation.

They take repetition of just reaching out.

And then when we're sort of
lacking that, I think we can

forget that you can find it again.

It's all about like choosing and
finding the people who will really

light you up, who you really
want to talk to on Friday at 7 a.

m.

If it wasn't you, it's
like, would it happen?

I'm not sure, but we both know
we're going to bring, like, if not

our best selves, but a version of
ourselves that is ready to show up

and be present for the other person.

And I think a big piece of this is that
we have made it super, super high value.

And I really believe that we are
most likely to show up for the most

high value moments in our lives.

And so we get a lot out of it
personally, professionally, the

friendship, but we're also running.

And so there's that added incentive
to actually show up for the run

that we want to do and that we
know will make us feel better.

And it gets us out of bed a little
earlier and it gets us fresh air

even on a bleak or snowy day.

That feels good.

And so by stockpiling so much
value in a single moment, it

becomes totally non negotiable.

Exactly.

And I don't even put it on
my calendar anymore because

I just know that it's there.

So I think that that's, in a way,
I would call it like a certain

kind of boundary or structure on my
life because it's non negotiable.

It's there Friday mornings,
even if it's, you know, a quick.

45 minutes or an hour, you can just like
rely on it to sort of offer both the

perspective that we need at the end of
the week and enter the weekend and the

next week with a renewed sense of what
we actually want to be doing, what we

can do next, even on like the bad weeks.

I feel like we always try to
find something to push forward or

activate in the next couple of days.

On the Uplifters podcast, I talk to a
lot of really inspiring women, and I

always ask them, what do you do to take
care of you while you're busy taking

care of everyone and everything else?

And invariably, relationships and
talking out, whether it's through

coaching or therapy or ministry
or friendship, comes up as a core

piece of how these women support and
sustain their good work in the world.

This is my answer to that.

And there are lots of other support
systems built up in my life,

but I think it's, it's pretty
universal that we need that.

And so I have this hope that if people
are listening to this right now and

thinking, Oh, I don't have that.

This is just one more way to build
that, that's super accessible and

that we have an opportunity to
actively create for ourselves.

And I think it's a, it's just a different
way to think about self care because I

think normally when I hear that term,
this wouldn't fall into that bucket.

I think a yoga class, I think taking a
bath, I think, you know, taking yourself

to a movie or a pedicure or something.

But thinking about what you actually
really need, what activates.

you what or also what gives you that kind
of rest and I think having that engagement

with someone else can just sort of make
that like boiling pot of your brain kind

of set to simmer a little bit more and
you're just taking a big breath together.

It's a beautiful way to look at
a different kind of self care.

I think a big reason why VFTR
works so well and is so important

to me week after week after week.

And I mean, I'm fully into
giving myself the freedom for

it not to be infinity either.

I like to keep my options open and
to keep choosing my way forward.

That just feels really good to me to
keep saying like, do I want to do this?

Hell yeah.

Right.

And I think that that's the sort
of point of do it or don't, right?

It's, it's making the decision
and sort of realizing every day

and everything that we're doing.

How often we tell ourselves,
Oh, I have to do this.

Even I'll say things for things that I
like, Oh, I have to write that newsletter.

I have to post that podcast.

I don't actually have to do most
things I can choose to do it.

And I think showing up and choosing the
things that you're really passionate

about allows you to enter them with
that sense of excitement and joy and

enthusiasm and maybe nervousness instead
of saying, and this is another obligation

that I have to do over and over again.

I was just thinking you wrote the
journal that we both needed at the

time that we needed it because we both
have a strong tendency toward what

I think of as hyper accountability.

If we say yes to something, we will
move mountains to make it happen.

And sometimes that means making
ourselves crazy along the way and

continuing on even past a point where
it feels healthy or helpful or good.

And it's one of the things
we challenge each other on.

And when we hear that little obligation
voice start to crop up in our

storytelling about the things that
we're doing, get curious with each

other about whether we still even
want to do it just to maybe, and we're

both tuned into it because we're both
sensitive to that tendency in ourselves.

And so by asking it, I think
we remind ourselves and each

other that we do have choice.

Great.

Why are you doing that?

Why are you moving that project forward?

What about it still excites you?

Do you have that sense of, of joy
and enthusiasm in your voice anymore?

If I say yes, I really want to show up.

I really want to do my best work.

Give 110%.

I think it's a little bit of
perfectionism, but it's also just like I

said, yes, so I'm going to follow through.

So instead of saying, well,
I'm going to dial that down to

you can get 60 percent of me.

I think being careful with how we
choose from the very beginning.

What we're letting into our orbit
has to be that first gate that we put

down and sort of say, is this a yes?

Is this a no?

And if it's a maybe how, what
questions can I ask to get

it to either one of those?

Yes, and my problem in truth is that
everything sounds exciting to me

because everything sounds like a chance
to learn or to connect with other

people or to experience something new.

And those three, like I do
motivational profile assessments

with clients all the time.

Those are three of my biggest motivators.

And so, of course, I'm going to say yes to
just about anything that is offered to me.

And I've said yes to some weird
stuff in my life, which has made my

life rich and interesting and fun
and also sometimes overwhelming.

So my new, my new tool for myself,
because I think for those of us

who say yes to things all the time.

There's a reason, and so to figure
out how to work past it, we have

to figure out what that reason
is so that our tactics are well

aligned with the specific challenge.

And for me, I understand the
challenge, and so my new one is,

Oh my gosh, that sounds amazing.

Can I have 24 hours to think about it?

Oh, that's so good.

I can't do that full assessment that
you're talking about, about the cost

and the benefit and the reward and
whether it fits with my life and all.

I can't do it in the moment
because I'm too excited.

But I love too, you're giving
yourself a deadline in that too.

You're not saying, Oh
my gosh, should I do it?

Should I not?

You're saying this is interesting enough
to get through that first step and now I'm

going to have 24 hours to think about it.

I can weigh the pros and cons.

I can.

Also see, are you going to have
to remove anything from your

life to incorporate that thing?

Because if we're almost at the
overwhelm level and we take on one more

thing, I think something that sounds
really amazing can quickly turn into

something we dread just by virtue of
what it's surrounded by in your life.

And if it actually has the time and space
in your life that you want to give it,

but 24 hours, it's a, it's a great tactic.

Thanks.

Thanks.

I love a force infection.

I just was about shifting my expectations
of myself as much as anything.

So I know on your show, you
talk to people about their days.

What is your day to look like today, Cara?

Oh, it's so funny you asked that.

My day, it started with sleeping
in a lot because I was really

tired and I, you know, I'm going
to run a marathon on Saturday.

And I actually had your voice
in my head, which said, you need

to sleep more the week before.

And I thought, do I want to wake up, make
myself tired for the rest of the day?

And maybe get some stuff done, but also
be really exhausted the entire day.

Or do I just want to sleep that extra
hour and a half and catch up later today

and probably only get done the things
that really need to get done today?

So one question I've been asking myself
every day this week is what is the

one most important thing to do today?

And I kind of hate it because I want to
say, well, I actually have four things.

I actually have five things, but what
is like the one thing that I need to

get done that will make this a sort
of successful day has been really

helpful because it makes me actually
assess each thing next to each other.

And so I want to edit a podcast.

I need to do some editing work.

I have a bunch of emails to get back
to lots and lots of things, but that

one thing has been a very kind of.

directed to do on my to do list, at
least for the last week, I love a little

strategy and then I might quickly forget
about it or abandon it, but it's been

useful at this busy time with a lot
of different pulls on my attention.

It's interesting too, because
one of the questions in do it or

don't is what's the most important
priority in your life right now.

And so in essence, that's what you are
practicing, but in the most practical

way, because once you identify
what's the most important thing

in your life, what does that mean?

Right?

Unless that turns into a filter for
your day to day actions, then it's

just an idea and probably going
to lead to a big guilt hangover.

That you're not attending to
the most important priority.

Yeah.

And that most important priority
can be a, you know, six month, 12

month goal, whatever it is, but
narrowing it down to, am I moving

that forward on a day to day basis?

And you made me realize what I
thought was one of my one most

important thing today is not.

The most important thing today.

And so I'll make an adjustment and
I will carve out even 20 minutes

to do the one most important thing.

And then I'll just feel that
little sense of relief, you

know, that sense of satisfaction.

That I completed something
that is really important to me

and really meaningful to me.

And I can be there for
everyone else in my life.

I can get back to people.

I can help other people with their goals.

But even having that like 20 minutes
helps propel me to do those other,

those other things for other people.

What has your day look like so far?

What are you doing today?

So my day has also been
different than usual.

I'm, I don't think I'm a
very rigid person in general.

Maybe I am more than I think,
but I do go to bed at 10 p.

m.

every day and I do wake up at 6 a.

m.

every day.

And yet, last night was the Signal
Awards, so we got all dressed up and

went to the reception with all the
other fancy podcasters and then went

out to dinner and celebrated that.

And I knew it was my husband's
birthday today, his 50th, and so I

took the morning off, which Yay me
for thinking about my future self.

That doesn't always happen, but in this
case, I was like, past self, I like you.

You're doing great.

And so I slept in until probably seven
and I still did all my morning routines.

So I'm taking a break from
Connections and Wordle right now.

I used to like really do my Connections
Wordle and Duolingo every morning,

but I realized I was spending more
time on those puzzles and getting

very little joy out of them other
than the connection with my family

via the family text to check in on it.

And so I've just decided, I set a
five minute timer, whatever happens

of those three things in five minutes.

That's what happens that day.

So I still touch them, but I'm just
not spending half an hour with them

because it just wasn't serving me.

I have added this week
experimenting with two new things.

So I'm doing a two to five minute
meditation because I've just not been

as consistent with meditation or my own
daily reflection as I might like to be.

And I say maybe because I don't
know I'm going to experiment

with it for a little bit.

And if I love it, I'll keep going.

If I don't, I'll stop.

And then I'm doing one minute of EFT,
so tapping, emotional freedom technique.

I go on Instagram, there's an, there's
an account that posts them and I have

to say I'm only three days into my new
meditation tapping ad and It's really been

grounding and I really am enjoying it.

So then went down to my building's
gym, did a workout, did a short

run, came home, got myself
showered and all of that business.

And then my husband and I went
out to breakfast for his birthday.

Got my very favorite
sandwich in the whole world.

And then, uh, came home and saw a client.

stepped in to meet you, then I'll write
a newsletter, do some work on these

focus groups that I've been leading
for the work that I do for companies,

and then I will take my daughter to
a doctor's appointment and order some

sushi for my husband's birthday dinner.

and get myself to bed at 10.

So it's a rich puzzle every day.

I love this idea that you knew last
night was going to be an exception,

and it's a worthwhile exception.

Yeah.

You were so excited about it
that it's like, I will adjust.

All of the next day to sort of make
it work and then you don't have to be

rigid about that routine and to sort
of force yourself up and to feel tired

and you can enjoy time with your family
and building those things in ahead of

time is kind of the secret to feeling
like we're in control of our day, right?

Yes.

Yes.

Because the idea of this life
that I was designing was not.

To say no to everything
I love that isn't work.

It was in service of everything
that I love that isn't work.

And work is something I love.

I mean, I really like my work and I
get great joy and purpose out of it.

But it's not the only thing.

And so, because I enjoy it so much, I
think it's like handy for some people.

I have to just consciously monitor
how much of myself I pour into

it and make sure that I'm still
showing up for the other things.

Well, and this makes me think about
something we often talk about,

which is our capacity and you
are a very high capacity person.

We can give you a really
big plate and add a million.

I mean, it looks like
Thanksgiving dinner on there.

Like there's a million different,
wonderful, amazing foods to eat.

And.

You can handle a lot.

When do you realize it's too much or
I need to scale back in certain ways,

or I'm not focusing on the things that
really deserve my energy right now?

How do you live life with a high capacity?

So for me, in truth, I think
it's less about how much I'm

doing or even what I'm doing.

It's more about these
monthly patterns for me.

I have weeks of extreme high energy
clarity and focus and my to do list, which

I will often cross 60 things off a to
do list in a day, plus have 10 meetings.

I mean, it's because there'll
be a three minute margin and I

will get things crossed off that
list in that three minute margin.

So it is very high capacity and it is
a very full plate and some weeks the

list starts to just grow and grow.

I keep my list on post its and
sometimes there'll be like six post

its that are sitting there languishing
and I'm like, Oh, this is a problem.

This is one of those weeks.

And so on those weeks, I
actually just say, okay.

It's one of those weeks and I'm
going to nap every day this week.

Other weeks I have no desire to nap
and I just, I feel like the tasks

are just like flying off of Post it,
they're just happening magically and

it is, it's about my level of focus.

And I said to you the other week
when I was having one of those really

unfocused weeks, That I felt like
I was copying things and forgetting

where they went before I pasted them.

And I think that's kind of what happens
in my brain when it's not in flow.

And for me, it's just sort of
been a matter of not expecting

myself to be in flow all the time.

I stay in flow a lot, and I'm trying to be
really accepting of not being in flow too,

and accept that as a part of the process.

It can so quickly shift.

I had a week like that last week and
then three things happen and you go, I

have a whole new level of energy or, and
it's not even, maybe it's not even like

I got 10 hours of sleep, but suddenly I
found something to be really excited by.

I found something to dip me into
that flow state and to keep that.

Kind of good current of energy
going through the other things

you're doing in your life.

It sounds very Accepting
I guess for yourself.

It's not judge those times when you don't
have the capacity or the flow that you

normally have and to recognize that you
can always Find it again, I will find it

a lot faster if I'm not judging myself.

It's the judgment that slows me
down and deepens the lack of flow.

No, totally.

I think that that's when we get into the
wallowing or the, why is this happening

to me, kind of mindset, which can really
bring you to a standstill in a way.

Feels hard to get out of and hard
to like find that activation again.

So I like this idea of finding
the belief that you will get

back there again, I think.

Yeah, because I think if we can trust
that the inner chatter quiets and

lets us listen to what we really need.

Can I ask you a question
from your journal now?

Oh, sure.

Let's do it.

I'm gonna begin at the beginning.

I think this is one of, if not the
first question in the entire journal.

So setting good boundaries
starts with self-respect.

Share a few positive
qualities about yourself.

I really make people fill that out
in the beginning of the journal.

That's hard.

When I say I'm gonna show up, I show up.

I feel like I'm very generous with
my time and energy towards people

who come to me for certain things.

I like helping people sort of
move forward in their life, in

their projects, in their careers.

In a sort of selfish way, because
I feel like it gives me a lot back.

I feel more energized about
my own things that I'm doing.

I am...

Not afraid to be a beginner at something.

I've started a lot of things,
especially the last ten or

so years, working for myself.

Started consulting with
people, started writing books,

started learning how to write.

Musicals, there's just a lot of
starting over and over again, and that

beginning stage is really fun for me.

Acquiring a new skill is something
that feels very valuable to me.

So those are a few things
that I feel like I...

I do well.

Also true.

I'm glad.

I mean, I could go on with 30 other
things I admire about you, but yeah,

those are three really big ones.

Can I ask you a question?

Okay.

Okay.

This is fun.

Oh my gosh.

Maybe this is how everyone
should interact with the journal.

I know.

This would be really fun, wouldn't it?

For those of us who struggle to put
pen to paper, just have someone you

love and trust ask you the questions.

The wheels are turning in my head now.

This is a logistical type of
question, but what is one plan,

event, or task you've been meaning
to do, but have been putting it off?

Break it down into easy steps here.

Okay.

What have I been meaning to do?

All right.

So my podcast has been doing really great.

It's really been growing and
It's really been fulfilling.

Of all the things I've ever done,
I've done a bunch of things.

Like you, I've been pretty fearless and
just like experimenting and trying things.

Nothing has felt as truly good and
right as the podcast in my work.

And so I interviewed someone this week
and she was talking about how amazing it

was hosting her podcast for a year and
how she had to quit because she was so

overwhelmed with the day to day work of
it and maintaining a full time job at

the same time because the vast majority
of people doing podcasts are not earning

any money off of them and so we take on
a full time job in addition to our full

time job and that's not sustainable.

So I was like, thank you for reminding
me of what I have to figure out.

And what I just keep punting on, which
is I have to figure out how to work with

brands to fund the work with the podcast.

I know it's good.

I know it's valuable.

I know it's helpful and
I've got to keep it going.

I could.

I could do ads like those,
like pre programmed, like,

let's take a break for an ad.

I could get brand sponsorships
and talk about things that I love

and have them sponsor the show.

That feels better to me because it
feels more in choice and in integrity.

I could sell the show to a company.

There's all these different options.

The easiest one is probably brand
partnerships, and so I think to do

that, the first step would be to make
a proposal deck that says, this is who

we are, this is what we do, and this
is why you should work with us and

we would be really valuable to you.

And I have it pictured in my head, but
the picture's not quite clear enough that

I feel really confident about doing it.

And that's not true.

I know how to do the deck.

I know what it looks like.

I know what we'd say.

I know it would sound really valuable
because there's just so many reasons why

this is a great show and worth sponsoring.

I don't want to ask people to do it.

That's what's getting in the way.

I don't want to ask sponsors to
sponsor us because that feels

awkward and weird and needy.

And that's the real hiccup.

I'm not making the debt because I
don't want to use it, even though

I want the outcome of using it.

That sounds like a important revelation.

And I do want to gently push
back on this idea that they are.

Sponsoring you because technically
that's what they would be doing.

But I think they're supporting you.

You're going to find people who are
aligned with your mission, aligned with

what you're doing, who are excited by
you and you're bringing them into this.

movement, this company, this collection
of people, you're like allowing them

in, in the same way you allow in the
listeners and the guests and everyone else

who will get to hear it in the future.

Does that reframe help at all in your
approach to finding people to bring them

in and get them on your team, I guess,
or does it still feel like I need you?

Well, the truth is they.

I mean, like the only reason somebody is
going to sponsor me is not to be nice,

but because it would be valuable to them.

And so that does help because
it feels less obligatory.

And one of the things you and I come
back to a lot is we do not force

anyone to interact with us or our work.

We offer it.

And we offer it as loudly as
possible in hopes that it can find

the people who really need it.

But I do get trapped sometimes in
this feeling of like, asking somehow

obligates other people to respond,
which is such a bunch of baloney.

That's covered in the book as
well, that other people know their

own boundaries and they know what
they want to say yes or no to.

No one is going to sign on to
something that they don't want to do.

And so having that faith that other people
can make their own decisions about where

they want to spend their time, energy,
money, whatever, is also really freeing

to say, I'm giving you this opportunity.

Maybe it's for you,
maybe it's not for you.

If it is, great, let's move forward.

And if it's not, I'm going
to go find someone who really

wants to take advantage of that.

Yeah.

And it's the exact same thing I
would challenge my clients to do.

And that's always, that's funny is,
you know, the things that we are best

at supporting other people through
is often the hardest thing to.

support ourselves in.

It's why we all need sounding boards.

And the thing I come back to again
and again to that I will repeat right

now because I need to remind myself is
that I am 100 percent certain I am not

doing anything to manipulate anyone.

I am not doing anything untrue.

I'm just saying the truth and sharing it.

So how could that be bad or unhelpful?

Because I believe always
the truth is the right way.

Great.

So I wonder if you had the deck and
if you were really proud of it and you

liked how it looked and you were really
excited by feeling it in your hands and

seeing the statistic and everything that
you've built in one nice little package,

if that would be easier to then say, I'm
going to find someone to come on board.

Yes.

And then I just need to pick one
friendly face to share it with.

And that's it.

One person.

I don't need to worry
about finding a sponsor.

I don't need to worry
about asking 50 people.

I just need to make the asset
and share it with one person.

And honestly, everything
I've done in my work.

That's all I've done.

Make something and share it
with at least one person.

But it is, it's those first
steps that are the hardest.

Now that we've broken them down,
I feel like you, you really

accomplished that question.

Oh, I can't wait.

I'm going to go.

Let's not finish this conversation.

I'm just going to go work.

Okay.

Go make it.

We'll check back in on Friday.

But how helpful to just articulate
what those steps even look like.

You're breaking down.

Here's the big picture.

Here's why.

What I'm avoiding, why I'm avoiding it.

Here are some of the ways
I can move towards that.

But then getting really specific
about like, what is that next step?

You already even know what
it's going to look like.

You need to pull up Canva and knowing
you, it'll be done by the end of the day.

And what if you could accomplish this
by the time we talk three days from now?

And sort of say, I sent, I made it and
I sent it to that one friendly face.

And now I have more
information for the next step.

It's not.

Oh, my gosh.

And I've reached that goal.

And I have signed a deal by Friday.

It is I've just moved on from
that first level of not having

anything to I have something.

And that always helps us
get to the next level.

It's also as you say that assigned a deal.

I'm like, that's the other hang up is I
don't know what the deal would look like.

And one of the things I coach my
clients on all the time and that I

have to remind myself of is, of course,
I don't because I haven't done this.

But I'm not going to know unless
I go have that conversation,

honestly, and say, Hey, this is new.

Can we figure this out together?

I don't have to figure it out alone.

I'm going to figure it out with
the person I'm talking to and

that'll, I'll know more next time.

And looking to at the people
already in your life who might

be able to help you, who can have
those answers to the questions.

All you have to do is.

Take the five minutes and ask them and
then you just have that little missing

puzzle piece instead of saying, Oh
my gosh, this is uncharted territory.

It's like, Oh no, now
I have the information.

I'm excited to see where
this one's going to go.

I know where it's going to go.

I really needed this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm going to have a sponsor.

I can promise you.

All right.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

There's a page in the book where you
say, okay, let's get down to basics.

I want this, I do not want this, I
want this, I do not want this, and

this is a practice I do with clients
often, which is I want more of this, I

want less of this, because I think it
tunes us in to what we already know.

So, so often, right, we get
hung up on what we don't know,

but we do know some things.

So what do you know for sure?

You want more of and less
of in your world right now?

I definitely want more
deep work blocks in my day.

I had a really wonderful stretch
of six or seven weeks where I had

a schedule that felt really right.

Almost perfect.

But needed some adjustments and it
involved two, two and a half hours of

just singular focus on one task and
that was working on a musical and that

also involves, it involves writing,
researching, but having two and a half

hours, it seems like a luxury, but also.

Is actually a non negotiable
for me, because maybe nothing

happens in the first two hours.

Maybe it's percolation.

And then that last half hour, I find
that missing puzzle piece and as fall

has commenced and ramped up and a lot
of different obligations and things

I'm choosing to bring into my life.

I have not returned to that.

That kind of.

blocky schedule where I can immerse
myself in one thing, you know,

keep the phone in the other room.

I'm not looking at my email.

I'm just really moving forward.

And in a consistent way, that's
something that I would just feel really

good about bringing back into my life.

And what I want less of is, we've
talked about this, open loops are

not my friend, any open loop, if it's
like an errand that I need to run, it

will consume and circle around in my
brain, if it's an interview I need to

schedule, if it's an invoice I need
to file, I have been really good about

doing a Friday practice of So, um, yeah.

Closing a bunch of loops.

I start to go through.

I have like a little
financial like half hour.

I'm like, let me go
through all my accounts.

Let me file my invoices.

Let me like button up all those
things and let me clean up my desktop.

I just notice when I'm closing them.

I feel calmer.

I feel less distracted.

I feel like I can clean Find
those deep focus blocks that

really feel valuable to me.

So intangible things, but I sort of know
it when I see it, what I need to close.

It's like energetic quicksand for you.

Yes.

It's pulling at you.

And so all the energy that you're
using to stay out of the quicksand

is then being detracted from
what you really want to focus on.

And most of the time those things
don't take a huge amount of time.

They might take logistical tinkering
or asking for someone's help or setting

aside two hours, but instead of coming
to the end of the day and saying,

Oh my gosh, that loop is still open.

I'm really frustrated by that.

I know that I don't have the time to
close it, and I just get frustrated

the next day and the next day.

So I think I will make a commitment
right now to sort of look at my calendar.

There's like three major loops that will
involve multiple hours of work, but I need

to break those down and decide when I'm
going to do them, because you're so right.

That quicksand is a killer.

Mhm.

And so many of them may
not happen all at once.

I don't know about you, but I feel like
so many of the things in my work, I

can activate a step forward it to other
people in a sense, like in the same way

that if you're making dinner, you're not
going to wait till the very end to boil

the water for the pasta, at least on
my stove, that takes for freaking ever.

And so I start the pasta water
boiling and the oven preheating.

And then I go off and
take care of other things.

And then I can come back and
all the pre work steps have been

taken care of in my absence.

And so I try to do that with my work
too, which is like, Hey, can you look

at this and give me feedback on this?

Or, and I, so I take it off my immediate
pile, push it on so that when it

comes back, it's a little more ready.

It's a little better and
easier to activate on.

And so I think too, being aware of.

That, in terms of where those
waiting lists are, helps

them feel a little smaller.

I do keep a little post it that has those
things on it so I don't forget about them

entirely and I don't feel like I have to
hold the cognitive space to remember them.

So I plant them there and let
them wait in the waiting room

because they're not on my plate.

They're on somebody else's
plate, but they still exist.

You're so right.

And that that cognitive space is, uh,
quickly taken up by something else that

is more worthy of that space in the
moment, which just feels really good.

You know, you free it up and then
you fill it with something new and

it sounds like for you so much of
what you want to do more of and less

of is dictated by your calendar.

So when might you be able to really eat.

Do this calendar work to create
space for more of what you want

and to move what you want less of.

Yeah, I'm actually going to do that today.

Today just feels like a,
let's call it a strategy day.

I was going to say a catch up day, but
that does not sound fun or activating.

So the strategy day where I'm also taking
on a couple of other new projects that

involve big chunks of time and to just.

Get serious and, and kind of honest
about what I can actually do in a day.

I don't normally have 60 things on my
to do list and I cross them all off.

It's just, it's not, that's not how
my days are sort of like structured.

And so instead, if it's like
I edited something for two

hours, like that might be.

The big, most important thing.

So I think after we chat, after I
get a bit of lunch, I am going to

clean up that to do list and to sort
of get honest about the length of

time I need to do certain things.

That's a strategy that I use.

And this sounds really Simple
and basic and kind of dumb.

I love it.

I say, okay, running that errand.

That's going to take 15 minutes.

I'll put it in parentheses
next to the to do list.

Answering that one email is probably
going to take eight minutes.

I'll write that down.

And so I just have a better sense of.

When I can accomplish those things,
if I have that little gap of time,

I can look at the list and say,
Okay, that's a 10 minute task.

I have 10 minutes.

Great.

Let me just like drag
and drop it over there.

So to get more clarity around
all of those things that are

pulling at my attention right now.

So when I do get asked or find myself with
other opportunities or things that I want

to bring into my life, I can have a sense
of do I have the space for that right now?

I love that you're so specific
with yourself about the reality

of what it would take because
things start to feel bigger or

smaller than the reality of them.

And so having that conversation about what
does this take, lets us very intentionally

figure out how they fit into our lives.

I will say though, when you talked about
putting the time in parentheses, at

first what I thought you were saying is
putting the task in parentheses and I was

like, Oh my gosh, that's brilliant too.

Because what if we just use
punctuation to code our list?

That things are either parenthesis, like
if it happens, exclamation point, must

happen, or period, it's a quick task,
I'm going to do it and it'll be done.

Ooh, I like that.

Of course I like that, being a
words person, but also that seems...

It's like you're making your to do list
something that is exciting to look at.

It's more like energizing.

It gives you more direction.

It's like a little decoder ring
basically for it instead of this like

laundry list of things that sometimes
we can look at these things and get

that feeling just to go back to the
beginning of the conversation that

I have to do all of these things.

If you have something that is either
beautiful to look at or intriguing or

is kind of a shortcut to help you move
through the list, I feel like that is.

It's a helpful aid in transitioning how we
think about it as something we have to do

to something that we are choosing to do.

So, I'm going to totally revamp my
list after this conversation, actually.

Me too.

So much of what we do for each other
and why VFTR feels so valuable in our

lives is that we get things out of
our heads and turn them into actions.

And I've stopped many times mid run
and said, I can't talk for a second.

I have to go write down this note
in my phone because it feels too

important to risk forgetting.

I don't have to do that because I can just
ask you, Aransas, can you recap everything

from our conversation because you are
so wonderful at distilling and just

drilling down into what we got from that
conversation, where we're going next, how

we started, where we end, and amplifying
the things that are really important.

So, Yeah, it is a great,
great, great joy in my life.

One of my favorite things that I get to do
every week to infinity and beyond or not.

And I just really value your perspective
and generosity, both with everyone that

gets to listen to this podcast, that gets
to work with you on a one on one basis,

but also just in the way that you show
up for your friends and your family.

It's just.

Very inspiring to me and to see you
live this dream of bringing this

podcast to life has been just like one
of the highlights of this entire year.

So can't wait to see where it goes.

Thank you, my friend for everything.

I think what we.

have given ourselves today and
hopefully the people listening to

this is a reminder that nothing great
ever happens alone and that the most

important thing we can do in our lives
is surround ourselves with people who

inspire us and who make us better.

And that that will ripple out and
impact every part of our lives

and let us be our best selves.

And that we all need spaces to get out of
our own heads and to question our limiting

thoughts and beliefs and turn them
into lessons and actions for ourselves

so that we can keep moving forward.

So much of what stops us is overthinking.

And we're all gonna do it.

But by having sounding boards, we give
ourselves the space to get out of the

overthinking and into the doing and
to just understand these things with

a little bit more love and grace.

And I really needed this today, Kara.

I got so much out of this
conversation and for those

listening, I hope you did as well.

I hope you carry with you a call
to action to find your people.

To edit out the people who aren't
inspiring you and to spend more time

with the people who do, whether you know
them personally or whether you just hear

their voices in your ears on a podcast.

or in the books that you read.

And that you find in this, as Cara and
I do every week, a little nugget or

maybe a huge one of inspiration and
activation to keep activating your dreams.

It isn't until they turn into
action and we get to watch ourselves

walking through them that we get
the full joy of creating our dreams.

So thank you, Kara, for being here.

Thank you so much.

I'll talk to you soon.

I'll talk to you soon, my friend.

Thank you for listening
to the Uplifters podcast.

If you're getting a boost from
these episodes, Please share them

with the uplifters in your life
and then join us in conversation

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never miss one of these beautiful stories.

Mm, big love painted water
sunshine with Rosemary Anton.

Dwell in the perplexing
though you find it flexing.

Toss a star in her for be around
best love for relish in a new prime

land, a tree in springtime dance.

With that hindsight,
bring the sun to twilight.

Lift you up, whoa Lift you up, whoa
Lift you up, whoa Lift you up choir

singers and device click Lift you up.

Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up.

Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up.

Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Whoa Lift you up.

Doodoo doo.

Doodoo dootoo doo.

Beautiful.

I cried.

It's that little thing
you did with your voice.

Right, in the pre chorus, right?

I was like, Mommy, stop crying.

Mommy, stop crying.

You're disturbing the peace.